I grew up in a home where I felt isolated, alone — not safe or advocated for. I came to believe I did not have any value, and yet, I was always self-righteous. I held everyone to a higher standard than they could reach and believed the lie that I maintained that high standard. At the same time, I was terrified inside. To feel safe, I built walls around my heart. The walls kept people away from me, but they also allowed me to push good people away. When I was about ten or twelve, I found a Bible in my sister’s room. In the back was a guide to becoming a Christian. I wanted it so desperately that I prayed that prayer and immediately memorized the 23rd Psalm. I prayed that God would rescue me from my circumstances. But He didn’t. And so I concluded, there in my head, that God was real but He was not for me. I was an outcast.
It wasn’t until I was married with very young children that I got to a desolate place where all I could do was look up and pray for the Lord’s help in my weakness. That is when the Scriptures became clearer to me, I sought help, began my life in Christ.
I had a long journey ahead, partly because of my stubbornness. The Lord had allowed some great sufferings throughout my childhood and into adulthood, and I didn’t understand why He didn’t protect me, especially when I was a child. The Lord led me to some great people and great ministries to guide me back to His Truth. For so long, I was a passive victim in my own life. The Lord has shown me my identity as His beloved. And He has left me here with the power of His Spirit, His Word, and His people to be a doer of the word and not just a hearer! (James 1:22) I am grateful to the Lord for His salvation and restoration. And I’m excited to share the journey with my brothers and sisters along the way.